I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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