Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
that's an acceptable place to lick
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
