nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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