Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize