We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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