He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
