evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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