she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
