I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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