Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
this just has baby written all over it
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
