I puked a lego.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
