My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
