We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize