oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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