I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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