My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
