I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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