You smell like a Billy Joel song
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
