Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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