someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize