I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
