While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
