people are starting to question the shark bite story
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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