in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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