sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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