I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
