I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Randomize
