You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
