do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
