IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Randomize
