where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize