so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
