Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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