I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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