I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Randomize
