I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
soo... how was my night?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
