Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
