I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
