If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
