Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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