At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
