are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We left an ass print on the piano.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
