His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
