This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
