Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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