We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
soo... how was my night?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
