remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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