I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
