my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
