but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize