Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
