I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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