East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
