Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
