well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
