Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
