You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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