If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize