I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
