I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
