my vag is so smooth its legendary
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize