the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
