He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
don't judge my taste in strippers
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
