wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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