some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
