Don't make out with my wife yet
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I can't put those talents on a resume
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
