so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
