all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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