I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
