is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
