My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
