Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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