the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
