I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Come see our sink grown plant.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
