Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize