I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
