you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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