i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
