Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
