ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
