One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
