...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
