Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
