She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
