Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
