I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
