I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
