Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize