so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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