last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
