Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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