Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
