you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
