No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
