I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
