my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
