The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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