If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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