I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
