we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
