youre lurking in front of me
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
