the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Who died my cat blue again?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
