just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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