You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
