okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
