i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
