Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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